guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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