Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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