a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
