you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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