did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i wish my penis had a tongue
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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