Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
