State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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