Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
