How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
