Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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