I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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