I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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