I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish you could order shots online.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
