My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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