I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
