is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
