is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
