GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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