my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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