This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
