You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
