Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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