you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
