singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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