he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
