He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
