Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
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