is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
