i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
