dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
