dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
