I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
