I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
