she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
