Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
