I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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