you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
