The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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