Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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