I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
