I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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