i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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