I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
