Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize