i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The struggles of a small town man whore
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
