We got so high we made milksteak
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
