so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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