all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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