umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
