I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
