A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can tuck mytits in my pants
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
