Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
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I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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