So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
