What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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