we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
