the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
