On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
