You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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