just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I came so hard my ears popped.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
