There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
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I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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