I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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