I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
pray to the hookup gods
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
