so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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