my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
