kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When are your genitals available?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm always down for nudity.
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