I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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