Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
