shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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