First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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