also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
