It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
