I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
