True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
