I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize