i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
