Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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