Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
