addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
We smell like vodka and hangover
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