apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
