Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
