I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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