New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
