dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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