Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
