Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
