I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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