I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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