Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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