Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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