Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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