Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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