Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
